Don't call me grandma--unless you qualify

I used to think that entering old age was like shifting down a gravel truck.  You’d be roaring down a smooth asphalt road, when all of a sudden, you’d hit a rut and spin out on gravel--frantically hitting the clutch and brakes as you struggled to keep all four wheels grounded.  I am old now, and so far, haven’t met that fate. Gratefully, I didn’t wake up one day feeling like my thought processes had been hijacked and replaced with a fog that never quite lifted.  A person who didn’t have an opinion or the curiosity to seek truth. A being who had checked out of life because relevance and technology left them behind. 

I am pretty sure my younger self perceived old age like that. Obviously, I have changed my mind—and you will too, someday.  In the meantime, I have a feeling that old age is the last social profile that hasn’t been added to the "socially unjust" index. As much as I see the danger in sorting every human being into demographic silos, I am a little surprised that the typical grandparent stereotype--that of an old codger impeding traffic or using a 20-year-old flip phone held together by rubber bands--survives in the age of inclusivity. It's time that bias goes the way of dial-up modems.

So, let me start right here. I am a PROUD grandmother that knows how to use technology as well as anybody. Stop with those ads that say, "If you are over 55, you have a special need for our [dumbed down] tablet that has big letters." Stop with the assumption that anyone over age 55 can't walk into a Verizon store and understand the 21-year-old tech that talks to you like you're in kindergarten. Stow that smug grin that smacks of condescension and the "you can't possibly grasp what I am talking about." But, most of all, stop calling me "Grandma"--unless you are one of nine VERY SPECIAL people that qualify.

Don't get me wrong: I am in LOVE with being a grandma--what a privilege it is! I sometimes tease my own kids that if I had known how great it is to have grandchildren, I more than likely would have just skipped the parenthood thing!  

But my grandmother role is reserved for MY GRANDCHILDREN only!  If you aren’t one of those nine special people—don’t you DARE call me grandma!

I am not your grandma and (sorry, not sorry!) I am offended by how disparagingly the term is used. To mock, to insult, to degrade. To turn a living, breathing individual into a Hollywood punchline.

How did matriarchs and patriarchs become so disrespected in our culture, anyway? Is it not bizarre that we fiercely protect other social identities from stereotypes, yet we don't raise an eyebrow to outright prejudice against the aged?

Why is it ok to make a mockery out of a person whose knowledge and life experiences should be revered, to be consulted and used to guide future generations? I know that other cultures--indigenous and Eastern come to mind--view their elders as keepers of wisdom. We have lost that compass. There is so much more to the elderly, whether they are grandparents or not. I hope for the day when it is just as taboo to mock an elderly woman by calling her "an old grandma" as it is to target any other group with the disgusting, historic monikers we have rightfully banned from civil society. Too bad we can't just drive a gravel truck over all of it.